Lost In Translation: Hogan's Heroes MASH Crossover
by emmettluvr27
Summary: In short, a biography of the characters in my story Lost in Translation Story: It's about a holodeck program crossing Harry Potter MASH Hogan's Heroes and Star Trek: The Next Generation Then, the holograms get a little too smart... a stupid Wesley story
1. Character Bios

CHARACTER BIOS

**Codename: Tiger**

Home planet: Mid-20th century WWII Earth.

TV Show: Hogan's Heroes

Occupation: Espionage and Sabotage. Underground Agent. French Resistance.

Background: Worked with Colonel Hogan and his men in sabotaging WWII Germany. She's a very good spy, always alert. Loyal to those she trusts, but shy to others. She is kindhearted and amiable, but too emotional at times. She is known to get along to well with Marley, but they have their quarrels.

**Name: Marley**

Home planet: Mid-20th century WWII Earth.

Occupation: WWII surgeon.

Background: Shot down from an English plane, she befriended Hogan and his men. She was known to help with their missions. She is very tough, tomboy like, and suspicious. There were no known major frictions between Tiger and Marley, but they were complete opposites and often disagreed.

**Name: Corporal Louis Lebeau**

Height: 5' 2"

Home planet: Mid-20th century WWII Earth.

Occupation: POW Stalag 13. Involved with espionage and sabotage around the area.

TV Show: Hogan's Heroes

Background: He is a very patriotic Frenchman. He was a cook before the war, but occasionally makes strudel for Schultz. Like many Frenchmen, he was one to fancy women, but not a womanizer. He is very loyal to those he trusts and is willing to die for those he loves.

**Name: Corporal Peter Newkirk**

Home planet: Mid-20th century WWII Earth

Occupation: POW Stalag 13. Involved with espionage and sabotage around the area.

TV Show: Hogan's Heroes

Background: Newkirk is an English pickpocket. He is usually involved in any plans that might be semi-criminal, and is known to cheat at poker. He's a dreamer, hoping to find a girl of his own, but isn't very good at it. He and Lebeau have been best friends since he arrived there.

**Name: Ensign Ledylin "Le" Starkeye McCartney**

Home planet: 24th century Earth

Occupation: Ensign aboard the USS Enterprise.

Background: Ledylin is a lover of mid-20th century fictional Earth television shows. Some favorites are M*A*S*H and Hogan's Heroes. Although very familiar with a holodeck, she sometimes takes matters a little too lightly, such as befriending holodeck characters.

**Name: Ensign Marie Troi Lacroix**

Home planet: 24th century Earth.

Occupation: Ensign abroad the USS Enterprise.

Background: After graduation top of her class in Star Fleet Academy, Marie was excited for her appointment to the Enterprise. After pulling some strings, she was able to get her friend Le abroad. She also shares Le's enthusiasm for mid-20th century Earth shows, but also is partial to the early 21st century Earth series Harry Potter. Although very smart, she is often distant or hollow and believed to be empathic.

**Name: Bellatrix "Trixy" Lestrange**

Home planet: Early 21st century Earth

Origination: Harry Potter series

Occupation: Full time Witch.

Background: She is best described as "a witch of prodigious skill and no conscience" but this experience proves otherwise. Contrary to most Harry Potter instances, this Bellatrix is calm and relaxed around those she trusts and fights for good. Although she does have some sort of a temper, she does have "good" feelings, which make herself feel more human. She and Tiger had previously met in different holodeck programs.

**Name: John "Trapper" McEntyer**

Home planet: Earth Mid-20th century

TV Show: M*A*S*H

Occupation: Surgeon in Korean War

Background: A good surgeon at the 4077th MASH and a known prankster. Hawkeye trusts him, but BJ is skeptical. He's known to hold grudges and he holds them for a long, long, long time.

**Name: BJ Hunnicutt**

Home planet: Earth Mid-20th century

TV Show: M*A*S*H

Occupation: Surgeon

Background: Originally from San Francisco, BJ was drafted into an army medical unit in Korea. He's kindhearted and a loveable guy. His best friend is Hawkeye Pierce. He doesn't trust anyone until he knows them well.

**Name: Walter "Radar" O'Reily**

Home planet: Mid-20th century Earth

TV Show: M*A*S*H

Occupation: Company Clerk

Background: Originally from Otamwa, Ohio, this little farm boy is trusted by all. He is truly loyal and fond of his teddy bear.

**Name: Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce**

Home planet: Mid-20th century Earth

TV Show: M*A*S*H

Occupation: Chief Surgeon

Background: From Crabapple Cove, Maine, this guy always has a smart-aleck answer to whatever you say. He's always ready to have fun and likes to get to the bottom of things.

**Name: Margaret "Hotlips" Houlihan**

Rank: Major

Serial Number: RA31619185

TV Show: M*A*S*H

Occupation: Head Nurse

Background: Margaret was known to have a running romance with Frank Burns, although was later engaged to a certain Donald Penabscott.

**M*A*S*H**

**Fr. Mulcahy**: Boxing relaxing.

**Klinger: **sect. 8 wannabe.

**Frank**: Loves Margaret

**Hogan's Heroes**

**Carter**: resident dunce.

**Schultz**: Hungry sergeant

**Kinch**: Radio man

**Star Trek: The Next Generation**

**Wesley**: Idiot.

**Geordi**: Chief Engineer

**Worf**: Klingon

**Will Riker**: 2nd in command.

**Data**: Android

**Captain Jean-Luc Picard**


	2. The Rest of the Story

_YOUNG ENSIGNS LE AND MARIE OF STARFLEET WERE WRITING A HOLODECK PROGRAM ON THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE-D THAT WOULD COMBINE THEIR FAVORITE SHOWS/BOOKS FROM MID-20__TH__ CENTURY EARTH. THEY COMBINED M*A*S*H AND_ _HOGAN'S HEROES AND CAME UP WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS…_

IT ALL STARTED WHEN RADAR ASKED,"WHAT SHOULD I NAME MY TEDDYBEAR"

Tiger: What about Fluffy?

Lebeau: fluffy?

Tiger: That's what I named my first Teddy bear.  
Radar: what about Henry?  
Lebeau: Aw that sort of makes me sad.  
Tiger: what about Hero?

Lebeau: that sounds logical  
Radar: Then Hero it is ^^  
Hawk: what did I miss?  
Tiger: you missed Radar almost naming his bear Hawkeye.  
Hawk: Aw, I'm honored. *Blushes*  
Lebeau: Look, you embarrassed him.  
Hawkeye: Hey Hotlips.  
Radar: ma'am.  
Lebeau: major baby.  
Margaret: Hello Radar. Watch it Hawkeye. Shut up Louis  
tiger: XDXDXD  
Hawkeye: So Margaret, what are you doing in the next five minutes? Supply tent?  
Radar: *hiding bear under pillow*  
Lebeau: Hey you're not my commanding officer!  
Trapper: Yeah! Who are you?  
Lebeau: I am who I am  
Trapper: Oh ^^  
Margaret: Louis I'm within my rights to tell you to shut up. Radar, I wont tell where you hid hero see you in the mess tent Hawkeye. Trap, when did you get here?

Tiger: *lost w/ the sudden appearance of Trap, almost calling him BJ*  
Trapper: I got here the same time BJ did.  
BJ: yeah. *Radar hurries to mess tent*  
Hawkeye: *has an arm around both BJ and traps shoulders* Yeah didn't you notice?  
Lebeau: *Sticks tongue out at Margaret*  
Margaret: I saw that! :P  
tiger: Louis, you cant get all the girls, but I'm still confused... h-hi B-BJ *starts to get dizzy*  
Lebeau: *pulls tongue in for a second then sticks it back out*  
BJ: what's wrong with her  
Hawkeye: I don't know  
Trapper: Hey! I didn't get that reaction.  
Margaret: It's because you don't deserve it. We need to get her to a hospital! We need a doctor! WAIT...  
Tiger: *raving* Choppers are coming! CHOPPERS are coming! Chop, chop, chop all the little bodies up!

Lebeau: Tiger that was weird.  
BJ, Trap, Hawk, and Louis all heading for choppers and Radar comes out of the mess tent. Nurse Kelleye, Charles, Burns, Colonel Potter, and Henry (he's still alive here) are all running for the choppers  
Tiger: I'm sorry, I-I just... wow that WAS weird...  
When did the choppers get here? *Everyone yelling out and following orders except Louis who passed out at the sight of blood*  
Hawkeye: Tiger move him, he's in the way.  
Tiger: Am I the only one with some common sense here?  
Newkirk: Out of whom?  
Hawkeye: Who are you? Wait, that's not important, grap that gurney. *Everyone else getting ready for surgery*  
Tiger: he was here a minute ago, Hawkeye.  
Newkirk, when DID you get here, and I was talking to myself (angry face).  
Ok everybody grab plenty bandages and help the surgeons put their plastic gloves on and give them their surgical equipment. (That's all we unmedical people seem capable of doing on the show) SCHULTZ! The mess tent can wait. There's no strudel in there.  
Schultz: But I am staying here with Lebeau.

Tiger: Ok, tell me when he's back.  
Lebeau: ugh  
Hawkeye: clamp  
Kelleye: clamp  
Mulcahy: anyone need gloves  
Potter: over here Padre  
Marley: scalpel  
Klinger: yes your Britishness  
BJ: Pliers  
Tiger: p-pliiires *gets dizzy (again)*  
*Carter catches you when you fall* Carter: I don't think you can be in here.  
Trapper: take her to the swamp and let her chill on my bed.  
Hawk: *wiggles eyebrows*  
Trap: not like that.

Henry: rib cutters  
Kinch: here

*On Trap's bed* *Carter standing over me*  
Carter: You know, back at camp I was working on some reversible pie tins.  
Tiger: huh?

Carter: One side said 'Heil Hitler' the other 'I was in Switzerland during the war'  
Tiger: Heil who?!?  
Carter: bless you.  
Tiger: Did u bring one? Can I see it?  
*Carter gives me pie tin* *I knock myself out*  
Carter: that was weird *skips back to O.R*  
*watches Carter leave*  
Tiger: my sentiments exactly. *Sneaks out*  
Tiger: what to do, what to do, what to...  
*goes 2 Charles' bunk and puts plenty of gross stuff on it*  
*Lebeau wake up* Lebeau: Schultzi?  
Schultz: hi cockroach!

Lebeau: where's Tiger?  
Schultz: in there *points at swamp*  
Lebeau: thanks stay in the mess tent  
Schultz: *salutes*  
*finds you*  
Tiger Louis, it me! Look what I sent up for Charlie! *Big schoolgirl grin*

Three Hours After Surgery  
Klinger: *in his tent*  
Radar: in office  
Potter and Blake: *in C.O office*  
Burns, Charles, with something particularly gross on his back, BJ, Hawkeye, Trapper Lebeau, Newkirk, Marley, Carter, Kinch: in swamp  
Schultz: *sleeping in mess tent*  
Tiger: Don't let BJ see me! Lebeau: why  
Tiger: umm because, because my hair isn't right *runs and hides behind Margaret*  
Margaret: huh.

Frank: Margaret sweetie, who is that  
Tiger: ok, I'll leave you guys to yourself  
*hides in corner*  
Frank: MARGRET, GET HER OUT!  
Lebeau: *comes in and grabs your arm leading you out* he he, you like BJ. Come on let's go to the swamp  
Tiger: it really took u that long? Hi!  
BJ: hey  
Tiger: h-hi h-how r-r u?  
BJ: uh, good  
Trapper: want a drink  
Tiger: um, a scotch? Hello  
nameless random pirate dancing XDXD  
BJ: ...  
Tiger: *Turns red* umm... yeah uh  
it's the latest craze... literally  
Hawkeye: he's up to his ears in craze  
Trapper: you? BJ: That's crazy Hawkeye. *Laughter*  
*Mulcahy comes in*  
Mulcahy: oh hello, you must be the nurse that passed out  
Carter: oh that's not a nurse that's Tiger.  
Newkirk: fierce ain't she?  
Lebeau: her first name is Gretchen  
Tiger: SHUT UP NEWKIRK! *Thinks back* it's been so long since I've been called that... please call me tiger.  
Trapper: so how did you guys get here?

Newkirk: we don't know  
Carter: hmmm  
Tiger: umm we came by the infinite world of, of something or whatever and WE DONT WANT TO GO BACK, I think...  
Marley: I don't, look at all the technological advancements in surgery  
Kinch: I like the new stuff in radios  
BJ: That's interesting. So what era are you from  
Tiger *takes a deep breath* technically, WWII  
Hawk: Wasn't that the war Potter was in?  
Trapper: speech impediment?  
BJ: *shrugs*  
Newkirk: so what year is this?  
Hawk: yeah what is it?  
Carter: *laughs*  
Tiger: umm sometime in which the time/space continuum has been changed and we could be anywhere from 1940-the 24th century  
Trapper: why does she keep acting all nervous?  
Hawk: Loosen up love. *Hands you a drink*  
Father: I find boxing relaxing  
Marley: interesting  
Newkirk: Oh brother...  
Carter: *pretending to drink his drink*  
Tiger: Oh, ok *bites lip* *takes drink* Its just so, so real, so different so weird. I mean a couple of days ago I was spying on Nazis and now *POOF* here I am...  
BJ: I see  
Trapper: right XD  
Tiger: SHUT UP TRAPPER!!!!!!!! Just because I'm a girl, even from back then, doesn't mean you can push me around.  
*Hawk whispers something to Trapper and then exploded in laughter while BJ just roles his eyes*  
*Newkirk then starts whispering to Carter, Lebeau, and Kinch and they start laughing*  
Tiger: I've had enough of you guys!!!!!!  
*Looks for Marley, but she left* *leaves, disgusted* that's what I get for not having a life...  
and I thought Carter was all right...  
What was I thinking?

*Marley is balancing mints on her nose and Radar is timing her on how long she can keep them on her nose while Schultz eats. *  
*In the swamp trapper says something out loud and it makes Carter blush really badly and he makes an excuse about being hungry and heads towards the mess tent*  
*comes in red faced* hi evry1...  
*mutters to self* jerks stupid rotten dirty smelly EVIL, no Radar, not you.  
*Carter comes in behind you*  
Radar: shush. Marley is going for a record. Marley: hold on three more seconds balancing these mints on my no-  
Schultz: *sneezes and the mints fall*  
Radar: ok  
Marley: *comes to you*  
Tiger: *glumly* ok. Oh, hi Carter. *Asks Schultz* did u have any strudel?  
Schultz: no they don't have anything.  
Carter: hey radar, do you have any rabbits. Radar: sure I'll show you *they leave while Schultz goes back into the kitchen*  
Marley: what's up tiger  
Tiger: I hate this M.A.S.H. I hate this camp. I hate this everything. I WANNA GO HOME!!!!  
Radar, could I borrow Hero tonight, please?  
Stupid people. They're not even people!!!!!!!!!!  
They're mindless animals that have no idea what they do & no respect for women at all.  
*GETS RED AND ANGRY* FILTHY GITS!!!! Radar, can I please borrow Hero?  
Radar: I said ok. *Hands Carter a rabbit*  
Marley: there just letting off steam. Because do you realize we were just up to our elbows in dying children  
Tiger: I know, but I was having a remembrance reminiscing moment and STUPID TRAP RUINS IT!!!!!  
HE DOENT BELIEVE I"M AN UNDERGROUND AGENT.  
Thanks Radar.  
Marley: Alright, come on lets go back to the tent.  
*Radar and Carter playing with rabbits and Schultz is eating*  
Marley: bye guys*  
Radar and Carter: bye  
Tiger: Marley,  
but don't u get it? If you told someone that YOU were a surgeon and they laughed in YOUR face because YOU were a GIRL wouldn't you fly off the handle too?  
Marley: Well, (a little too kindly) people don't usually believe me *thinks to self, until I threaten them*  
Tiger: Well, they did here and at least u got to prove yourself when all I did was faint whenever BJ Hunnicutt looks at me.  
Besides what good is espionage in a mash, right Hero?

*We all go back to the swamp* *Everyone's laughing really hard in tears*  
Marley: hey boys.  
*Everyone tries to shush*  
Tiger: *follows her, quietly*  
Marley asks fearlessly: so what was so funny  
*all keep tight faces*  
*leans closely to Hawkeye* Marley: I said what were you laughing about.  
Hawkeye: *suddenly looking afraid*  
Marley: *turns to Trapper, same thing, looks at all of them* well then *whispers something to Hawkeye and he blushes bright red* see now that's funny  
*sits on top of Hawkeye* see that is how you make a joke. Sit tiger.  
*Hawkeye is blushing furiously*  
Tiger: *giggles* it never gets old :D  
Newkirk: will you get off his lap  
Marley: nope ^^ take a seat tiger.  
Trapper: you got guts, girly  
Marley: thank you  
Tiger: let me at him! Let me at him!  
*Lebeau holds you back*  
Marley: don't worry about it, if hawk tells trapper what I just said he wont be making jokes either ok *waits for more*  
*Hawk whispers something to Trapper and Trapper's eyes get all big and he whispers it to BJ then BJ to Newkirk then Newkirk bursts out laughing*  
Tiger: *fights w/ Lebeau to let me go* I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY'D STOP LAUGHING!!  
*Eyes turn wild orange* NEWKIRK UR GONNA PAY FOR THAT!!!!!! *Scratches at u to let me go even harder*  
Lebeau: hey quit it tiger  
*Hawk Trap and BJ still silent and Newkirk still laughing*  
Marley: chill Tie. He's only laughing because that is how he deals with his emotions.  
Tiger: *Thinks, really* *breathes deeply* I don't think that's a positive outlet :(  
Marley: better then violent attacking  
Lebeau: like yourself  
Marley: m shut up Lebeau  
Lebeau: can I let you go or will you attack trapper  
*some still silent and Newkirk laughing ridiculously*  
Tiger: umm... could I just pull his ear? I've always wanted to do that  
Marley: I think you could do anything to him at the moment I with the… what I told him. *Lebeau lets you go*  
Tiger: :D:D:D:D *charges Trap* *pinches 1ear, then the other 1, then puts duct tape on his eyebrows*  
1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready, lets go, go, go!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D  
Trapper: *pushes you off and blindly walks out of the tent.*  
Marley: sorry Tiger, it will take them a bit to cool off  
Tiger: It's ok, that WAS FUN :D:D:D  
What did u do? Blackmail him or something????  
*Newkirk looks like he's going to sit up and explain it but then keeps laughing. BJ snaps out of it*  
BJ: You don't want to know.  
Tiger: hmmm... Marley, you have got me thinking...

*Leaves to go find Hero* *alone in tent* I'm sure Radar won't mind if I borrow some of his radio equipment, right Hero? Now, I'm gonna perform some minor surgery, I've done this type millions of times. It won't hurt a bit. *Puts bug in Hero* now lets find out what the whole camp is buzzing about that I don't know  
Tiger: *finds radar* hey, cud u put this in Trap and Hawkeye's tent  
Radar: wh-  
Tiger: Don't ask questions, just do it please???  
Radar: alright *puts it in their tent*  
*Carter came back to the tent*  
*Marley on Hawk's lap still*  
Hawk: I CANT BELIEVE YOU PULLED THAT CARD ON ME  
Newkirk: it was rather rash  
Tiger: *listening intently on the other end*  
*to self* I guess espionage IS needed in a MASH :D  
Hawk: how did you know anyway?  
Marley: the writer told me  
BJ: who  
Tiger: *takes out a lollipop and licks it*  
oh this is getting good... and Marley too!!!  
Marley: That's not important. Where's Tiger?  
Tiger: oh shoot! *Hides receiver*  
*Marley gets up and pokes head out of swamp* Marley: TIGER? Tiger: *licking lollipop*  
'Allo Marley  
Marley: come back to the tent now everything's alright  
Tiger: ok *walks in* 'alo everyone :}  
*Hawkeye gets up and leaves and Newkirk is still giggling a bit while Lebeau just shrugs*  
Tiger: Newkirk you NEED to find a better outlet...  
so have you decided to finally tell me what the whole camp knows EXCEPT ME?!?  
Marley: you mean the writer didn't tell you?  
Lebeau: *blank stare*  
Tiger: what writer?!?  
Marley: uh the chap who wrote all of this.  
Tiger: so that's what we're doing here… *taps the ceiling* LE!! LE!! I KNOW YOUR UP THERE OR OUT THERE OR SOMEWHERE!!!!! WHAT THE H3LL IS GOING ON HERE!!!!!  
*Suddenly Marley reaches out of the computer and grabs me dragging me in real life in*  
Me: AHHHHHHHHH  
Marley: this writer  
Lebeau: *pokes me* how did you do that  
Tiger: *duct tapes you to a chair*  
ok, Le we can do this the easy way, or the hard way...  
What did you tell them?! Why did you tell them?!? And how come you didn't tell ME!?!?!!!!!  
Le: LEBEAU SAVE ME  
Lebeau: leave me out of this

Tiger: Good boy Lebeau.

Lebeau: *smiles*  
Newkirk: I didn't know we had invented duct tape by now.  
Le: I JUST TOLD HER ABOUT A SCARY PITURE I CAME ACROSS ON THE INTERNET OF HAWK, BJ, AND TRAPPER!  
Tiger: 0k you answered what. Now about why and how.  
Le: because Marley is me friend and how um.... I don't know how to answer that…  
Tiger: m ok, that's good enough for now  
now that that's all over, for now, I guess I won't be needing this  
*takes Hero*  
Lebeau: Why do you have Radar's bear?  
Le: hey *snatches* BEAR! *Runs in circles celebrating the victory of having the bear*  
Tiger: Lebeau, it's a girl thing…

Lebeau: *blushes* oh…  
Tiger: sure Le, you have the bear but where's the other part?  
Try and find THAT!!!! I NEED to give Radar back his teddybear!  
*Thinks some more* its ok Le, u can keep Hero, buts to you it'll just be a teddybear  
Le: no to me its everything I wrote a story about it  
Tiger: ok, but I can make him kill u ...  
no that's not right, she can make him kill you. But he WILL KILL ME IF I DONT GIVE HIM THE TEDDYBEAR BACK!  
*Licking lollipop furiously*  
Le: No. Radar understands my love for Hero.  
Newkirk: *raises an eyebrow*  
Tiger: so you'll MAKE him understand  
Le: err...  
Tiger: *paranoid attack*  
Finally, it comes down to the morality of what you're doing here. Forcing him against his will to give you the teddybear that means so much to him. Think about it, do you really enjoy having Hero that much or is it the talking device that you need so much. I have the listening device so it's useless!!!!  
*Evil laugh* muahhahahahahahahahaha

*Covers mouth realizing what she just said*  
Marley: *stabs tiger with needle and gives a shot that makes her go night night*  
Lebeau: What the h3ll, MARLEY? Did you give her the wrong tube?  
Marley: yep  
Le: *squishing Hero*

Tiger: *in nighty night land*  
lollipop lollipop oh lolli lolli lolli lollipop lollipop *pop* lollipop!!!!  
Tiger: *still in LA LA LAND* Marie, get your butt in here and set things things straight  
Marie: uh oh *being dragged in* AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tiger: alouette something alouette… vive le France  
Marie: see what you've done Marley? She's gone mental!!!!!!!!!  
*Takes lollipop* give me that Tiger, your gonna get it dirty. Sweets are hard to come by, you know.

Marley: how do you know my name? Who are you?  
Marie: I'm the author. Le is the writer. We composed this together. Capichi?  
Tiger: Usta! (That's Dutch for lips)

Le: well then nice to meet you.  
Marley: oh…  
Lebeau: *pokes tiger with a stick*

(I don't usually talk like this, but, like I told u, I feel British and important)  
Marie: *shakes Le's hand* a pleasure, I'm sure  
She's not dead Lebeau, she just slipped into a sort of coma or something. She'll come to in a while.  
*Twists lollipop in hand* I think tiger could have been most helpful in the beginning stages but I think the encounter w/ the computer may have made her a bit loony...

Marley: Uh sure...The computer did it *Hides needle behind back. *  
Le: I am British and I am important  
Lebeau: *continues poking*

Marie: I don't deny that Le.  
Oh, and Marley, if you are referring to the fact that you deliberately injected Tiger with the serum in the needle behind your back. Then yes you are right, the computer did make her loony. If you remember, Tiger had some very interesting remarks before she entered the later stages of her coma.  
Tiger: *bites stick Lebeau is poking her w/*  
Marie: Down Tiger, down.

Le: Feisty.  
Marley: *jabs Marie with needle*  
Lebeau: my sticks. *Trying to get it away from you*

*Marie and tiger cat fight*  
Marie: TIGER LOLLIPOP!  
Tiger: that's my name T-I-double-ga-er  
Marie: *slaps Tiger in face*  
Tiger: *come to senses* Marie, what are you doing here? There's something fishy going on here, I mean. Why didn't you tell me you were in the middle of collaboration with someone? Le told Marley. I could have blackmailed all of them…

Marie: Not fair play. Can't be trusted. *Whispers some more*

Tiger: I think I know that now but…oh, this is gonna end up as a fight for domination, isn't it.  
Marie: ..!  
*Gone completely mental* BOOM BOOM CLAP BOOM DE CLAP DE CLAP BOOM BOOM CLAP...  
Tiger: Bloody h3ll, what has this world come to?

Tiger: *brings Marie to BJ* Something's terribly wrong w/ her. I think Marley did it.  
BJ: who is she?

Tiger: An author. The good one. The one that kept you nice when the other one wanted you to be evil. No, I'm serious. I think there's something going on with Le and Marley.

BJ: *raises eyebrows*

Tiger: I mean something not right

BJ: all right. I'll look after her. *Smiles*  
Tiger: Thanks *smiles back*

Tiger: *licks lollipop* what did she mean by  
Kaboom ok, I'll take care of that later, but Trixy? How am I gonna take care of that. Marie the author. Author...here I go again *through the computer* ok not Philostia or Dodgeball City here it is... Trixy, Marie needs you.  
Trixy: Finally, I can stop cursing people's heads off.  
Tiger: Left u off in the middle of a duel?  
Trixy: yup

Le: What just happened?

Tiger: well, I decided to bring a friend because Marie needs a bodyguard. You don't see me going sticking other people in the butt w/ needles  
Trixy: That's because you claw their eyes out.  
Tiger: Not here, I can't shape shift. Besides, you curse people's heads off.  
Trixy: ...well, its fun

Le: Wait a minute… Bellatrix Lestrange? *Backs up*

Trixy: The one and only :D

Le: But, but… How do you know each other?

Tiger: Marie wrote a story with us teamed up. She had me as some sort of shape shifter because I would be useless without some sort of magic.

Trixy: *to Tiger* She seems to have written you with a big mouth, too.

Tiger: Shut up, BELLA. :}

Trixy: Right, ALICE

Le: I take it you two get along real well.

Trixy: You couldn't guess. *Puts arm around Tiger's shoulder, but points stick at Le*

Le: *Looks at stick, confused and scared, then starts laughing hysterically that it hurts*

Tiger: Cool it, Trixy. Oh, and I'd watch my step if I were you, Le. She might start calling you Rosalie. *Le leaves, processing the information*

Trixy: But I wanna do this NOW!

Tiger: If you kill her, then we all disappear. We have to do this right, or the holodeck computer will shut down, trapping us in here.

Trixy: So, Tiger let me get this straight. This is all a holodeck computer thing.

Tiger: Yes. Marie transferred herself from her body to mine. Ensign Marie is just a hologram now. So if you want to get her out of here, then we have to shut down Le and Marley. And eventually, me.

Trixy: What the- you can't do this!

Tiger: We have to. Marie knew the consequences when she transferred herself from her human body to a hologram. She noticed that when the holodeck's safety controls were not working, it would be necessary. Poor BJ, he's trying to cure her of something that isn't there. It would be as if Le and Marie never existed.

Trixy: So, you won't exist anymore. I won't exist anymore.

Tiger: Why would that be?

Trixy: If Marie doesn't exist, then she can't write stories. If she doesn't write stories, then we never would have met.

Tiger: Trixy, I didn't know you had a heart.

Trixy: I'm not supposed to, am I? I guess she DID write me good emotions. I always hated her for not writing me those. But I still don't understand why we talk about her as if she was gone or not here. Your Marie now, aren't you?

Tiger: I forgot to tell you this. Although she did transfer herself, it's more like she's the little voice in my head telling me what to do. I'm still myself, but she's in me. She can't go back, but she's here.

*SILENCE*

Trixy: Tiger, since she's in you, can you go OUT of the holodeck?

Tiger: I don't know. Let's try. "ARCH" *arch appears* "ARCH" *disappears*

Trixy: I hope no one saw that.

*Shuffling footsteps*

Tiger: Did you-

Trixy: I'm gonna go find that piece of vermin. *Leaves*

Tiger: Great. There's a witch of prodigious skill and no conscience on the loose and she happens to dress quite a bit like Klinger on his crazy days.

*Leaves in search of the 'vermin' hoping the lollipop would help*

*Back in the Swamp*

Le: Marley! Marley! Tiger's got a new weird best friend! It's Bellatrix Lestrange! And her magic works!

Marley: How is that possible?

Le: She accessed her from another hologram program, the Harry Potter one.

Marley: The one that she wrote with Wesley Crusher? I mean Weasel. Weasel Crusher.

Le: The very same.

Marley: How did she do that without becoming loopy? When I dragged you in, it made me dizzy and stuff. Tiger isn't made of such hard stuff.

Le: But Marie is.

Marley: Come again?

Le: Remember when you injected her with that stuff and she went a little loopy? Well, the holodeck isn't supposed to let you get hurt, but you were able to hurt her. Now, she was top of her class at Star Fleet Academy and knows how these things work. Weird things happen when the holodeck malfunctions.

Marley: So you're saying that Marie was somehow able to transfer her thoughts or knowledge to Tiger, therefor making her able to access other files like a regular Star Fleet officer?

Le: You got it. I told you she was no dummy

Marley: Ok, taking over the Enterprise is going to be a lot more work than I anticipated.

*BACK ON THE BRIDGE*

Riker: Where are the new ensigns that were supposed to relieve these of duty?

Worf: Names, sir?

Data: Ensign Marie Troi Lacroix and Ensign Ledylin Starkeye McCartney

Riker: Any relations to Counselor Troi the Beatles, Data?

Data: If my database is correct Ensign McCartney is indeed a descendant of two of the members of the mid-20th century Earth band known as the Beatles. There is no known relation between Counselor Troi and Ensign Lacroix. An unknown person left Ensign Lacroix on the doorstep of an orphanage. She chose her own name under the circumstances-

Riker: That's enough, Mr. Data. Computer, locate Ensigns Lacroix and McCartney.

Computer: Ensigns Lacroix and McCartney are located on Holodeck 5.

Riker: Mr. Worf, bring these ensigns up here and tell them they will face the consequences for not coming to their stations at the appropriate time.

Worf: Yes, sir.

*IN THE HOLODECK*

Trixy: *chasing the footsteps* You little sneak! I'm gonna get you. Remember, I KILLED SIRIUS BLACK! Wait, that doesn't matter here. _Protegro!_ *Sneak runs into invisible wall* Hey, I still got my touch. :D

Klinger: What was that? *Sees Trixy* What are you?

Trixy: Bellatrix Lestrange, Your worst nightmare. *Points wand*

Klinger: If this is one of those things to get me to stop trying to get a Section 8, it's WORKING!

Tiger: *runs in* Trixy, CUT IT OUT!!

Trixy: Oh, hello Tiger. I was just going to eliminate this dispensable GI that saw you activate it.

Tiger: That's Klinger, the company clerk. He has some clothes that you might like. You're not gonna run around in Korea in that dress, are you? You might rip it. Klinger has some dresses that might be easier for you to run around in.

Klinger: Are you another Section 8 wannabe? I could give you a few tips…

Trixy: ugh

Tiger: Good Luck! XDXD

Trixy: Tiger, boy are YOU in for it…

*POST OP*

Nurse Kelleye: Doctor, we're losing her pulse

BJ: Who's?

Kelleye: This one, the girl.

BJ: Uh oh. We need this one alive. Get Hawkeye in here.

Kelleye: Yes Doctor. *Leaves*

BJ: I can't loose her now. I promised Tiger.

Hawkeye: What's up Beej, I heard we're loosing a patient?

BJ: We're loosing her pulse. I think it's some sort of internal bleeding.

Hawkeye: *gives her a check up* No. All systems are functioning properly. When did we get her, any ways? BJ: She's one of Tiger's friends.

Hawkeye: Well she's definitely NOT from WWII. I would have remembered her.

BJ: It's because she was behind the controls.

Hawkeye: So SHE'S the writer?

BJ: The author, not the writer.

Hawkeye: The difference is?

BJ: If she dies, the writer has total control over us.

Hawkeye: So you're saying the blackmailer can just bring out that picture and no one can stop him?

Marie: Her. The writer's a HER.

Hawkeye: You're supposed to be dying.

Marie: It's complicated. I can't die unless Tiger dies.

Hawkeye: Then why are you here in the first place?

Marie: Because if I leave here, Marley is gonna finish us all. There are Traps all over the place. The 4077th, The Enterprise, everything that you guys know and understand will be gone.

Hawkeye: How? Why?

BJ: She's gone again.

Hawkeye: How did she speak in underline?

BJ: Where?

Hawkeye: Right there. *Points at 'Traps'*

BJ: She's the author, remember? Weird things happen when creators get involved with their stories.

Hawkeye: There's got to be a reason, though. Authors don't just put random things in their stories just for the heck of it.

BJ: TRAP! TRAP!

Hawkeye: Where is that guy. He owes me $5 from the poker game a few days ago.

BJ: NO! He's the 'Traps.'

Hawkeye: So you're saying…

BJ: That's right.

Hawkeye: I had that figured all along. I was just waiting for you to catch up.

BJ: Yeah, right.

*In Klinger's Office*

Klinger: And I have this lovely red dress that I had sent straight from Toledo.

Trixy: *looking bored* Anything black?

Klinger: Well, I have this black cashmere sweater. I found that color was too uniform.

Tiger: *comes in* So Klinger, any luck?

Klinger: Even the biggest most extravagant dress emporium in all Korea couldn't fit this one's needs. Then again, that's not much.

Trixy: *looking at Klinger's baseball uniform* I think I'll take this. It needs a little hemming but it will suffice.

Klinger: NO! NO! That's the only thing the Colonels'll let me wear that has pants!

Trixy: *takes out wand*

Tiger: Klinger, you better give her what she wants. I never mess with her when it comes to clothes. *Rubs left forearm absent-mindly*

Trixy: _Acc-_

Klinger: Ok, OK! Here! It's only the worst uniform in Korea, full of blood & sweat.

Trixy: I'll have it fixed in no time.

Klinger: *groans*

Trixy: *takes out wand and magics uniform so it says Slytherin instead of Mudhens*

Klinger: *gaping* h-how did you do that? You RUINED IT! Trixy: Do what? *Blows off wand tip* Klinger: You, you, you did something and POOF! It fit all, all FIXED! Tiger: Klinger, are you sure you saw that?

Trixy: I need a place to change *goes behind curtain*

Tiger: Let me stand watch. You never know what might happen here.

Trixy: OH, and let the scum know that he can borrow my dress. *Throws dress over curtain* I never liked it. I can't move my arms enough during a duel.

Klinger: I, I can keep this?

Tiger: Think of it as an exchange. When she gives back the MUDHEN's uniform, you give back the dress.

Klinger: Howdya talk in underline? Can I do that?

Trixy: Waddaya think? I thought I'd go Slytherin. I'm tired of wearing the Dark Mark. It's boring.

Tiger: Umm, sorry Klinger, I don't know how I did that. If I did, I'd tell you, but I don't. So, au revoir! *Drags Trixy along, who is still accustoming herself to wearing pants*

Trixy: What was that for? I was gonna tell the kid not to stretch the dress!

Tiger: It's started.

Trixy: What?

Tiger: The change.

Trixy: The author thing?

Tiger: Yup. You see I wanted to put emphasis on the word "Mudhens" because the uniform was Mudhens, but now it's Slytherin. I talked in underline.

Trixy: Like an author.

Tiger: The end will come soon. I can feel it. If we don't shut down Marley quickly, she'll have access to everything and take over the Enterprise.

*In the Swamp*

Marley: Trap, status on our visiting patient.

Trap: Well, according to the charts, she should be dead. For some reason her heart won't stop pumping. I've tried everything except stabbing he right then and there.

Marley: Well then, you'll have to try everything and then some. Does anyone suspect you?

Trap: Not at the moment. I am afraid that Nurse Kelleye is suspicious of my spending so much time with her, with her being BJ's patient and all.

Marley: I will take no such chances. Le, arrange for Nurse Kelleye to be terminated. Take Newkirk with you, maybe Lebeau. Find out where his loyalties lie, but don't trust him completely.

Le: But…

Marley: Just do it.

Newkirk: All right, but I'm going to report you to the Red Cross.

Marley: The Red Cross doesn't exist.

*Le and Newkirk, looking skeptical, leave*

Marley: *writes on paper* 'Just in case Marie is listening on the other end, I'll leak out phony facts.' *speaks, clutching Hero* Now that we have Lebeau on our side, Trap, we can send him out to Marie and make sure she thinks that he's on her side. He'll go to post OP and leak supposed 'valid' information to her. That way, he'll gain her full confidence and we'll carry out the plan. That way, we can send more phony info and she'll fall for it.

*Post OP*

*Marie listening on the lollipop*

Marley: So that way, we can carry out our actual plan out underneath their little noses! *Shuts off*

Marie: So that's what she's up to.

BJ: Marie, Hawk and I've looked everywhere, but can't find Trap.

Marie: *not paying attention* But for some reason, I don't think it makes sense. It's the only time the lollipop has worked since I've been here. It doesn't make sense.

Hawkeye: Marie. Marie! Do you plan on leaving your LA LA LAND any time soon 'cause we have a game of hide-n-seek to play where you have the clues?

Lebeau: *bursts in* Le and Newkirk! They're coming! They're gonna attack someone, but they wouldn't give any details.

Marie: *skeptical*

BJ: Well, come on. We haven't got all day!

Lebeau: Come on, Marie, you've got to believe me.

Marie: Well, I didn't think it would have come to this, but…

*Muffled scream*

Hawkeye: That's Nurse Kelleye!

BJ: Let's go!

Marie: *squiggles and tries to leave bed, but finds herself too weak*

Lebeau: Come on, do you really think I would side with them? After Le didn't trust me enough to tell me about the picture? *Crash* After Marley stabbed Tiger? *Scuffle* I must admit, she had it coming, *Marie frowns* but Tiger never did anything to me and I don't see why Marley doesn't like her.

Marie: *raises eyebrows*

Lebeau: Ok that was an understatement.

Marie: Now you're talking sense. Now scram, you're not supposed to be here. *Lebeau leaves through the back door*

Hawkeye: Got ya!

BJ: Well, well, well, what do we have here?

Hawkeye: It's the funny English guys. *Kneels down to check on Kelleye*

Newkirk: Now, you know we didn't mean no harm. We just came in the door and little Miss Nursy turned around and she screamed 'cause she didn't see us come in.

Le: We just wanted to see Marie, is all.

BJ: And Nurse Kelleye got that bruise on her forehead all by herself, did she?

Le: Umm, you'll have to ask Newkirk about that one.

Newkirk: Now why do you always go to me for all the bloody physical stuff.

Le: 'Cause you're a guy and it's a stereotyped world here. Didn't you know that?

Newkirk: *turns red*

Hawkeye: She's had a concussion. Now a fall may have caused it, but I wouldn't be too certain. *Gives Newkirk and Le and long, intense glare and moves Kelleye to a bed on other side of Post OP*

Le: But like I said before, we're here to see Marie.

BJ: Well, whatever you have to say to her, you can say in front of me.

Newkirk: But…

BJ: No butts about it. Marie is my patient. Now you can say what you want to say, or get out.

*Le and Newkirk look at each other and leave quickly*

Hawkeye: Now what was that about?

BJ: Now I'm sure of it. There's something weird going on here, and I intend to find out what it is.

Marie: Find the Traps and let the Cockroach out. *Passes out*

Hawkeye: There she goes again, with those underlines. Let's split up.

BJ: OK. *Hawkeye leaves* I feel like strudel. Maybe Schultz has some.

*Outside Holodeck 5*

Worf: Open.

Computer: Security lock enable. Access denied.

Worf: Security override authorization Lieutenant Worf. Open door.

Computer: Security lock enabled. Access denied.

Worf: *groans* *cusses in Klingon* *leaves to find Geordi*

*Mess Tent*

Radar: Schultz, what are you doing?

Schultz: *at loss for words* I know NOTHING!

Radar: Well, just in case you didn't know, there's a war going on here and we need all the food we can get.

Schultz: I was not looking for food I was looking for

BJ: *walks in, looks over shoulder, and thinks he saw something but shakes it off*

Schultz: BJ! I was looking for BJ.

Radar: Likely story.

BJ: Ok, I gotta make this quick. Have any of you seen the cockroach?

Radar: Who?

Schultz: You mean Lebeau. He makes wonderful apple strudel. He also makes apple crumb cake and apple pie and apple-

BJ: That's great, but where is he?

Radar: I last saw him with Newkirk. He was standing next to Carter and they both had their arms around his neck. I figured they was wrestling or something…

Schultz: …and apple muffins and apple-

BJ: We get the point, Schultz, Lebeau is a wonderful chef. Maybe he can help out in the Mess Tent. Thanks Radar, and remember, I was never here.

Radar: OK?

Schultz: …and apple cobbler and apple-

Radar: Oh, shut up.

Schultz: *gasp*

Radar: Sorry, I mean. Be quiet.

*Swamp*

Newkirk: Marley, Kelleye has been eliminated. She won't remember a thing.

Marley: And the Cockroach?

Le: He escaped, but I don't think he could have been much use.

Marley: Carter and Kinch, what's their status?

Newkirk: They have your complete confidence.

Marley: Good. Trap, status?

Trap: Burns and Henry for sure. Charles was definitely for it when I told him that it was Tiger who messed up his classical music collection. *Snigger* Potter's a tough cookie. I don't think he'll chose sides. Klinger and Radar may be bought. Klinger's a regular Benedict Arnold. Pierce and Hunnicutt, of course, are still in the espionage unit.

Marley: And Houlihan?

Trap: Hot Lips is… where ever the casualties are.

Marley: So I take it she will be in the OR after this is all done?

Trap: Yup.

Marley: No fear, you'll have her in due time. No one else in this camp suspects anything is going on? *Trap shakes head* Dismissed. *Trap leaves* The Trap is set and the Tiger is waiting. Oh, I LOVE talking in underline!

*In Another Part of the Swamp*

Trixy: But I don't get it. You're just gonna sit here and wait for her to make her move?

Tiger: Oui.

Trixy: Why?

Tiger: 'Cause that's what she wants me to do.

Trixy: Why would you do that?

Tiger: *distantly* You'll see. You'll see. Oh, and find Lebeau for me, I want to talk to him.

Trixy: You know what, I'll just leave you to your strangely becoming self and leave. *Walks out and looks for Lebeau*

Tiger: *meditates* Marley, Marley, do you here me?

Marley: What, what was that?

Tiger: I see you. I hear you I know you.

Marley: Pierce! Hunnicutt! If this is one of you're pranks; I've read enough about them to know what to do next.

Tiger: It won't work. It won't- AH!

BJ: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

Tiger: No, I'm fine, I just didn't see you come in.

BJ: Your friend, Marie was it? She's gonna be ok.

Tiger: Thank you so much.

BJ: You've stopped stuttering when you talk.

Tiger: Oh, you've noticed? Well since Marie got here I kinda-

BJ: No, it's you, there's something different about you. You're more confident. You smile when you walk. I think you're very pretty.

Tiger: What about Peg?

BJ: Who's that?

Tiger: Never mind. *Bouncing up and down inside YES!YES!YES! THANK YOU MARIE!*

BJ: I was wondering when this is all over, if, if you'd like to go on a picnic with me.

Tiger: I'd love to.

BJ: I'll be seeing you.

Tiger: Yeah, seeya. *BJ leaves*

*Looks around and sees no one in the direct area* *jumps on bunk*

I GOT A DATE WITH BJ! I GOT A DATE WITH BJ!

*From inside barrels*

BJ: That's what I love about her. She gets so excited over the simplest things.

Lebeau: *sarcastically* Yeah. Bloody charming.

BJ: Hey, buddy, what are you doing in there?

Lebeau: Hiding from Marley and the crew.

BJ: I think I got that, but why are you spying on Tiger?  
Lebeau: Because she's my girlfriend.

BJ: Are you serious?

Tiger: *hears voices outside*

Lebeau: Back at the prison camp. We were going steady. Right after the Colonel dumped her. That's why he isn't here. She couldn't stand him anymore. So she came flocking on her hands and knees to me. I comforted her and we took off from there.

BJ: You French people. I should've known, after what Charles went through. Why didn't I listen to him?

Tiger: *Comes out, not seeing BJ* I could've guessed you'd spy on me, Louis. There was nothing happening at the POW camp. After the Colonel dumped me for the camp secretary, I had nowhere to go. I talked to you. You DID make me feel better, but it was never like that. I thought you were my best friend at the camp, but a best friend would have told me what he really felt. *Goes and hugs Lebeau* Louis, if you would have told me you loved me, I wouldn't reject you. I would still want you. As a friend. My best friend. You always have been my best friend at camp and always will be. Friends?

*Lebeau and Tiger small kisses on each other's cheeks*

Lebeau: Vive le France!

Tiger: Vive le France. *Smiles* You were always the funny one, you know that.

Lebeau: Funnier than Carter?

Tiger: Carter is an idiot. *Both laugh*

BJ: *jumps out of barrel* Boy was that a relief.

Tiger: You heard the whole thing? And you're ok with it?

BJ: Except for the part with the Colonel, and the cheek-kissing thing.

Lebeau: Cheek kissing is more than a handshake, less than a hug. And, yes, you have my permission to date Tiger.

BJ: Did I have to have it?

Tiger: *rolls eyes* Louis! He has taken the role of my father or brother, who traditionally, you must ask if you wish to take me out.

BJ: It's strange having to ask someone a foot shorter than me.

Lebeau: *smoldering* If you put one toe out of line…

Tiger: Ok, Louis that's enough. BROTHER!

Lebeau: Ok, ok, I'm done.

*They leave, laughing*

Loudspeaker: What's for lunch? Well, today's special is choppers and a side of meatball surgery.

*North Koreans jump out of choppers*

Marie: It has begun.

*The 4077th begin fighting the Koreans. The Koreans attack Pre-OP and cause much chaos* *Nurses charge at Hawkeye*

Hawkeye: Feminist, how typical. *Grumble* I just hit a nurse. *Punch* It felt good.

*In Klinger/Radar's office*

Margaret: AHHH! *Pulls draws out of cabinets, totally ransacking the office*

Radar: Nurse Houlihan, please, STOP!

Margaret: That's what you get for not letting me see Donald!

Radar: But Ms. Houlihan, Klinger spent a long time unorganizing this place and it's going to take long a long time to reunorganize it again!

Margaret: I DON'T CARE! I WANT DONALD!

Frank: *bursts in, knocking down Radar* DONALD! WHO IS DONALD?!?

Margaret: You heard that? OH, he's no one sweetie, just someone I happen to know…

Frank: Then why are you making a fuss about him? You should be making a fuss about ME! AHHH! *Frank and Margaret full out wrestling*

Hawkeye: *runs in* Radar, I heard screaming, are you all right?

Radar: *gets up* A little shaken, but otherwise ok.

Hawkeye: What's up with them? *Margaret and Frank twisted up with each other*

Margaret: mm-ffr-nn

Radar: They got in a scuffle. If we can get everyone else like this, we should be able to get rid of 'em. I think I can manage Charles and… Henry.

Hawkeye: Bless you boy. I need to find Tiger. *Both leave*

*IN THE SWAMP*

*Tiger and Trixy hiding in boxes*

Tiger: *on the soldiers* Trixy, is there a way that you can magic them all out without killing them?

Trixy: They're dead. Infreir

Tiger: So Marley's been through the Harry Potter program, has she?

Trixy: That would explain it. So, I can just kill them or something?

Tiger: So just go out there and fight, I guess.

*Tiger and Trixy charge at the attackers. Trixy, being a witch of prodigious skill and, supposedly, no conscience is able to knock out all the attackers in her way. Tiger, a judo expert, was fairing well, but stayed away from the main threat. The Koreans sabotaged Post OP, but Marie was able to leave and wander aimlessly around the camp. She looks for something that she can't find, but keeps looking anyway. Newkirk and Le are hiding somewhere behind Marley's lines, not wanting to be involved with the action. Schultz, being the clumsy sergeant he is, tripped over a pie tin and knocked out a whole brigade of Korean soldiers by rolling over them. Lebeau fought to the last man and met up with Marley herself*

Lebeau: Killing me will not get you what you seek.

Marley: Whatever. *Zaps him* Serves you right, Cockroach.

Marie: I hear you. I see you.

Marley: *turns around* You won't escape from me this time you little freak!

Marie: You know he was never yours.

Marley: He will be, when this is over. When I am Complete. He loves me and that will NEVER CHANGE!

Marie: DO you love him?

Marley: That's a good question.

*Marie and Marley enter a zap fight. Marie stood her ground well, but Marley knew too much and finally finished her*

Marley: *Blows off fingers* Oh, that felt good. Now to finish this. ARCH!

Hawkeye: BJ! Tiger! Trixy! EVERYONE! MOVE OUT!

*Le and Newkirk leave. BJ, Tiger, Trixy, carrying Lebeau's body, follow them. Hawkeye heads for the arch, but Trap is in his way*

Trap: That's it buddy. I'm not letting you go out there.

Hawkeye: Why?

Trap: Because I'm going to finish what I started. *Arch closes*

*Tiger from outside* END PROGRAM!

Tiger: They're gone. They're all gone. *Cries into BJ's shoulder for a long time*

BJ: *hugs her* It's going to be ok. I'm here. Trixy's here. We're gonna be ok.

*IN HALLWAY*

*Newkirk follows Marley. Le stays behind Marley doesn't know she's been followed*

Marley: Wesley! Wesley! Wesley!

Wesley: Marley! *Big romantic moment*

Newkirk: *busts in* Marley! How could you? You said we were doing this together. We were *sniffle* doing this for us.

Marley: *Bends back from Wesley's embrace* Oh, it's you. Well, things change. *Goes back to kissing Wesley*

Newkirk: Well then, goodbye. *Leaves them and goes back to Le*

Le: Newkirk! What happened! Your not supposed to be here!

Newkirk: *Teary eyed* She went off with…Wesley.

Le: THE WEASLE!

Newkirk: You know the drill. Go take over the Enterprise to gain world domination. Just instead of me by her side, she'll have Wesley.

Le: Ok, I get it, but…

Newkirk: There's no butt about it, Le. Goodbye. I'll miss you. *Throws self in holodeck*

Le: NOOOOOO!

BJ: It's Le! Get her! *Trixy and BJ tackle*

Tiger: Stop it! Don't you see she's scared?

BJ: Look, I know you just lost the author, but saving the writer isn't gonna bring her back.

Tiger: I know what I'm doing. Killing her isn't going to bring back Hawkeye, either.

BJ: I trust you.

Tiger: I know.

Le: HE'S GONE! HE'S DEAD! NO! NO! NOOOOOO!

Tiger: Ledylin. Ledylin. It's ok. You're safe. Don't be afraid.

Le: *clutches Tiger for dear life* Newkirk is dead! He's gone! Forever! *Sobs*

Tiger: *Hugs back*

Le: Marley killed him. So did Wesley! THE WEASLE!

Tiger: It's ok. You're ok.

Le: I'm not OK. I NEVER TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM!

Tiger: You'll be all right.

Le: I need to tell HIM! *Breaks away and runs through holodeck* PETER!

*IN HOLODECK*

*Finds Newkirk on the bottom of hill, all bloody*

Le: Peter, I love you.

Newkirk: I know. *Kiss* *bomb explodes on them*

*Back outside the holodeck*

Tiger: Our worst fears have been realized. Marley is…

BJ: Going to take over the Enterprise?

Trixy: Kill us?

Tiger: Marley is with Wesley Crusher!

Trixy: That's a first.

BJ: Crusher, a girlfriend?

Tiger: That's not the point! Although, that is awful. The fact that a technological genius and his way too controlling **EVIL** girlfriend are going to take over the Enterprise!

*BJ and Trixy black stares*

Tiger: Now what?

Trixy: You changed fonts.

Tiger: Dang it!

Trixy: What's up?

Tiger: You know too much. We all know too much. How do you know so much about the outside world? You shouldn't know about Wesley. You should be ignorant people back at the holodeck.

BJ: But we do know. We know all these things and more. How we know this doesn't matter. All we know is we're here on a mission. When we're done, we might disappear. You might stay. We don't know. We have to keep going. You have to keep going. For all of us. *Hugs her. A hug that's meant to last forever* *Trixy looks away at Lebeau's dead body*

Tiger: *While they hug* I've always liked this little guy. Don't know why, but I did. *Idea* *Tiger and BJ stop hugging*

Tiger: Trixy, are you crying?

Trixy: Lebeau's dead. *Sniffle*

Tiger: I thought he'd come to. Oh Trixy, I didn't-

Trixy: I couldn't save him. He was too far away. *Runs toward holodeck*

Tiger: *runs after her* TRIXY WAIT!

Trixy: *stops* *hugs Tiger* I thought you would have let me go. You have BJ and I just- like a 5th wheel…

Tiger: Trixy, I could never, ever let you die. Not as long as I live. I know you and Louis never really…

Trixy: I know. You're the one who's always trippin'.

Tiger: HEY! *Both laugh*

*IN WESLEY'S Quarters*

Marley: *arms around Wesley* Oh, I've waited so long.

Wesley: I know, finally someone worthy.

Marley: Finally someone smart. *Grins* Is everything set up?

Wesley: It's been ready for day's my love.

Marley: Can it be activated from here, my sweet?

Wesley: Of course. Why?

Marley: I've had the most peculiar urge-

Wesley: For *big tense moment*

Marley: For hot chocolate.

Wesley: Oh. *Disappointed*

Marley: *Drinks chocolate*

Wesley: Why don't you look at me?

Marley: I'm thinking. I'll lose my train of thought.

Wesley: Why?

Marley: Because you're distracting. *Smiles* I will be needing a Star Fleet uniform.

Wesley: All set.

Marley: *Goes and changes*

Wesley: You look pretty.

Marley: What are you talking about? I always look pretty.

Now let's get back to business. Are you ready Wesley?

*A Short Bit Later*

Wesley: Here it goes. *Pushes buttons* *imitation* This is Captain Picard speaking. I now hand over all command of this vessel to Ensign Wesley Crusher. Toodles. *Off*

Captain: Wesley, why are you keeping me here? And of all words to sign off with, why 'toodles?'

Wesley: Because Marley thought it was a good idea.

Captain: Wesley, if I may inquire, who IS Marley.

Marley: I'm Marley.

Captain: Oh, so you're miss 'I'm Gonna use Wesley to take over the Enterprise.'

Marley: Say your prayers, old man. *Points 20th century gun at him*

Captain: How suiting, you're going to kill me with a Colt-5.

Marley: And you're not scared.

Captain: Why should I?

Marley: Because I'm going to kill you.

Captain: For all you know that gun might not work here.

Marley: Well, I'm going to try.

Wesley: *turns around*

Marley: *drops the gun*

Captain: That's what I thought.

Marley: We need him alive.

Tiger: And we need you dead. *Big fistfight. Wesley is held captive. The Captain and Marley get away. Trixy chases Marley*

Trixy: I'm going to finish this once and for all.

*Marley and Trixy get into a large magic fight in the hall. There are jets of light bouncing everywhere*

Trixy: This is for Lebeau! *Sends a curse straight at her head*

Marley: *Hits her, but effects are minimal* HA!

Trixy: She's some sort of super-witch.

Marley: This is for being such a nuisance! *Green jet of light hits Trixy straight in the chest and she disappears*

Tiger: *screams* NOOOOOOOO! *Marley runs off*

Tiger: SHE'S GONE! MY BEST FRIEND IS GONE! *SOBS*

BJ: *holds Tiger* It's going to be ok.

Tiger: I broke my promise. I promised… *Sobs more*

*Long silence, except for sobbing*

Tiger: I'll never forget you Bellatrix Lestrange.

BJ: I don't think anyone will.

Tiger: Ok, I think I have a hold on myself. *Sniffle*

BJ: Are you going to be ok?

Tiger: As long as I'm here with you. Oh, what am I saying? BJ, I love you, you know that. But do you love me? Do you really know me? I'm not who you think I am. All this character, this inner strength, it isn't mine. When I became the author, all of Marie's character flowed into me. You don't love Tiger, BJ you love Marie. You don't understand.

BJ: I understand perfectly. I understand that you are not Marie. I understand that no one can steal another's character and I understand that you are you. What happened to the Tiger that would bite her lip when I was around? What happened to the Tiger who jumped up and down on her bed after I asked her out? *Puts hands on cheeks* She's in there. She just changed. She has matured into something more spectacular and more beautiful that ever. That something I will love and cherish forever.

*Kisses her*

BJ: I love you and that will never change. Ever.

Tiger: I love you. Forever and always.

Loudspeaker: _ALL SYSTEMS RED ALERT. ALL SYSTEMS RED ALERT. ALL PERSONEL REPORT TO THEIR BATTLE STATIONS. _

This is Captain Marley speaking. On account that your former captain, Wesley Crusher, has given full command of this vessel to me, I think it would be fun to blow up a planet. So…

Tiger: I have to go.

BJ: Where?

Tiger: To find Marley.

*Cliched adventure music plays in background as Tiger runs about the ship, until she arrives at the captain's quarters. There she finds Marley drinking a cup of hot chocolate and Captain Picard tied up (again)*

Marley: Hello Tiger. I didn't expect you for another 5 min. Please sit down. Have some chocolate.

Tiger: *stiffly* No thank you.

Marley: Oh well. Suit yourself.

Tiger: You know why I'm here.

Marley: Of course I do. You've come to join my side.

Tiger: That wasn't the answer I was looking for.

Marley: Then what were you looking for?

Tiger: Umm… I don't know. Attack, maybe?

Marley: Oh, Tiger. You crack me up sometimes. Don't you see what we can become, the two of us? We can take over the galaxy. We'd be greater that the Q. Our future is unlimited. Come on. Take the chance.

Tiger: No. NO. NOOO! *Red light jets out of fingertips right at Marley*

Marley: So this is what it comes out to, does it? *Green light comes out of her fingers and the battle begins* *Red and green light fly across the room. Marley quickly gains ground, but Tiger is ready now. One jet misses Tiger's head by a cm.*

Marley: Forget BJ! You know you two don't belong with each other. It'll never work.

Tiger: STAY OFF OF MY MAN! *A jet of red light bursts out, and hits Marley right over the heart* *Marley disappears*

Captain Picard: Very well done.

Tiger: Thank you sir.

Captain: I could tell you didn't want to kill her. The shock in your eyes gave it away. You did the right thing.

Tiger: Thank you sir.

Captain: May I ask one question, though.

Tiger: Yes sir.

Captain: Who are you?

Tiger: *Laughs and tells Picard the whole story*

Tiger: So, sir, I'm afraid that you've lost two ensigns.

Captain: Yes, I'm afraid so. I hate having to write letters to their families.

Tiger: I'm sorry sir. It really was my-

Captain: No, it wasn't. You did what you had to do. Sacrifice is an important job and I will see to it that they are honorable deaths.

Tiger: Thank you sir.

BJ: *runs in* *hugs Tiger* Oh, thank God I found you. I thought you were… Tiger, who's this?

Captain: Captain Picard. USS Enterprise.

BJ: Oh.

Tiger: He knows the whole story.

BJ: Good, because it's a douzy.

Captain: Tiger, have you ever considered writing?

Tiger: I thought about it, but never gave it any serious consideration.

Captain: You might want to think about it some more. For now, we can get you two some quarters. Rooms 216 and 217. Deck 4.

BJ: Thanks Captain.

Captain: Dismissed *smiles*

BJ: Boy is he nice.

Tiger: Yes he is.

BJ: Well, Tiger, I've been thinking, since we're kinda one of a kind. You know, both of us coming from the holodeck and stuff and since we're kinda an item. Will you…

Tiger: Yes.

BJ: You don't think...

Tiger: Remember, I love you and that's all that matters.

BJ: *Kneels* Tiger Gretchen Dubois, will you marry me?

Tiger: I thought you'd never ask. *Kisses him*

*Later, in room 216*

Tiger: Dear Diary,

I've been thinking about what Captain Picard said today about me writing a book. I've thought about it. And thought. And thought. I almost didn't let BJ in because I was thinking so much XDXD. We're engaged now, but I think we both knew that was coming for a while :D. But any ways, what I've been trying to put across is that I am going to write. I'm going to write Marie's story, so that no one might forget what happened. I think I'll start it like this:_ YOUNG ENSIGNS LE AND MARIE OF STARFLEET WERE WRITING A HOLODECK PROGRAM…_


End file.
